The prisoners in the cave
No one knows when they arrived
Is this the destiny God gave?
Not a single answer can be derived
The slightest warm light
Figures of shadows made one wonder
He turned his head with all his might
The shackles broke to see the sunlight
The one prisoner had fleed from the grieve
And later came back to tell them of the glory
The rest did not believe
Assumed it was a made up story
Leaving the rest to suffer and wonder
The free man will no longer ponder.
This took so long...... rhyming is hard for me.. hahaha This sucks but hey, I tried my best!
I think your rhyming was pretty good and so was your concept of the allegory however I think that you could work a little of the flow of your pentameter. However that's just me.
ReplyDeleteI second Dulce's statement that your rhyming was pretty good, don't get so down on yourself! You got skills! This was a sonnet had some really vivid imagery which I enjoyed but I do suggest that you restructure the sonnet to be in tune with the requirements of a sonnet.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Sam and Dulce, your rhyiming was really good and you followed sonnet structure, good job :)
ReplyDeleteNot only did you follow the basic sonnet structure so to did you do it creatively, good job Chanel!
ReplyDeleteHey! Its the effort that counts. Right? But nice job over all.
ReplyDeleteThat was one of the better ones! Don't put yourself down!! Great rhyming, great imagery, great everything. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteNice job! The structure was correct and your rhyming was good. Give yourself more credit, you did well.
ReplyDeleteNice rhyming and structure...Effort=Result!!..great job!
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job and your effort showed. I liked the last two lines the best. (:
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ming! The effort is obvious. You did a good job :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha Chanel, it was fine!!! It's simple, yet still great and gave a good summary of the allegory. Good work m'dear. :)
ReplyDeleteRemember that the sonnet also has to be written in iambic pentameter, the pattern of 10 syllables. Otherwise you were on the right track and you should keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGreat job I enjoyed reading this sonnet a lot! Just remember to use iambic pantameter!
ReplyDeleteSolid sonnet structure. It is great, and I like the colors you have integrated into your blog :)
ReplyDeletesome here, hate rhyming things.. But nice job! i enjoyed reading your sonnet :)
ReplyDeleteI like how you say there is sunlight outside the cave when most people put something like a harsh light. It makes the outside seem so much more inviting. Nice job. The effort you put into the sonnet shows.
ReplyDeleteGreat work, I really enjoyed reading your sonnet!
ReplyDeleteComment on mine, please and thank you
http://hjonesrhsenglitcomp.blogspot.com/2012_11_01_archive.html
Nice job on the sonnet and the rhyming was great.
ReplyDeleteIt most definitely does not suck. It is lovely. I love you line that says "Is this the destiny God gave?" I like it very much!
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone!
ReplyDelete